I think this is really going to happen. And that sends a slow burn down the middle of me. There are so many things I could mourn right now, but today it is Team Steve that makes me sad. Divorces split up the troops…and like it or not, people must choose. I assumed this was because of the conflict of interest, or perhaps discovering that the guy on the opposite team as you, actually sucks. But in fact, the reason people must choose, it very different in deed.
Loyalty is a like a drug for me. I am in obsessed with it…I chase it, and when I don’t get it…I go crazy. Naturally I’ve prepared myself over the past couple weeks to lose friends. Seriously…I lie in bed and think about who I can afford to lose, and who will devastate me when they choose the other team. But ironically…this doesn’t feel too much like my typical loyalty issues. It feels like security.
I feel so scared right now, that I only want to be next to people who allow me to fuck up, and love me anyway. The people who will keep my secrets, give me advice. Not talk to him. I am not mad at the ones who choose the middle, but i can’t be around them yet. I am made of glass, everyone can see what I feel just by looking at me. I’m ok with that. But too many people carry stones.