Team Mandy

I think this is really going to happen.  And that sends a slow burn down the middle of me.  There are so many things I could mourn right now, but today it is Team Steve that makes me sad.  Divorces split up the troops…and like it or not,  people must choose. I assumed this was because of the conflict of interest, or perhaps discovering that the guy on the opposite team as you, actually sucks.  But in fact, the reason people must choose, it very different in deed.

Loyalty is a like a drug for me.  I am in obsessed with it…I chase it, and when I don’t get it…I go crazy. Naturally I’ve prepared myself over the past couple weeks to lose friends.  Seriously…I lie in bed and think about who I can afford to lose, and who will devastate me when they choose the other team.  But ironically…this doesn’t feel too much like my typical loyalty issues. It feels like security.

I feel so scared right now, that I only want to be next to people who allow me to fuck up, and love me anyway. The people who will keep my secrets, give me advice.  Not talk to him.  I am not mad at the ones who choose the middle, but i can’t be around them yet.  I am made of glass, everyone can see what I feel just by looking at me.  I’m ok with that. But too many people carry stones.

One thought on “Team Mandy

  1. Security is something that we all crave as human beings but is certainly longed for when going through this process. Your self-esteem and self-worth are tested and you desire validation from others. You will discover who your true friends really are and realize that they have always been just that, true friends. Keep your focus on your children and yourself; take this an an opportunity to try new things and attain goals that you have put to the side.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts Mandy…

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