The Tight Rope

I hold on and hold on and hold on until I don’t anymore.
I believe and believe and believe until I don’t anymore.
I love and I love and I love until I don’t anymore.

Letting go should be harder and yet easier all at once.  But there are in fact, two parts of letting go.  The brain’s decision and the body’s reaction. It is both quick and too long.

The message has been lost in translation for what feels like an eternity. I don’t know when I started doubting, but it feels like I always have.  My brain has told my body to let go a million times.  A million times it sent the message…let it be, let it go…but my body never listened.  Knuckles clenched on a tight rope…they would not release.  I know why.

My brain was not sending the right message. It was sending poison…to each of my limbs and to my heart.  A venomous snake that kills it prey slowly…paralyzing its remains. My brain the last to freeze…all the while fighting to remain alert, it both created and reinforced that poison time and time again.  As tho my own brain was in deed killing itself.  Lies are poison. The ones we hear, the ones we tell…they devour us alive.

But my body remained tightly clenched to that rope. The wrong dream, the wrong me.  Cruelty is a mystery that begs to be misunderstood. I am cruel to myself. I am cruel to my body.

The cruelty, the poison, the lies…they are all the same. They are mine.

I hold on and hold on and hold on until I don’t anymore.
I believe and believe and believe until I don’t anymore.
I love and I love and I love until I don’t anymore.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s