And so I place one foot in front of the other…less deliberately than I did before. The path is finally cleared, and I no longer walk backwards. It’s coming easier now.
The final words that I ever spoke to him, linger in my head…but they aren’t in my heart anymore.
“I hope she is worth everything you just lost.”
I think I am most surprised by the fact that I don’t care about his answer. My breaths come easier now…and as I look around at this world. I’m struck by its beauty. My body feels full of life as my lips have nothing left to say. I am both empty and full all at once. As I relinquish the final pieces of anger, I also say goodbye to the poison that I called love. And I make a promise to myself…I will never confuse the two again.
I’ve come to discover, there is a rhythm to this all. The passing of time has a melody…and the sorrow and the happiness spin from the same chorus. This is, in fact, the life I chose. And it is painful and joyful always and forever.
The lessons that hide behind the circumstances are both fruitful and relentless. And they will keep coming. But for just a moment, I will linger on the best lesson of all…That the vows I promised him were never more important than the vows I promised myself.