I’ve read the Bible, in its entirety, just once.
I’ve stood before the eyes of God and pledged to love one man for the rest of my life, and lied.
I’ve sat inside pews of the smoothest oak and witnessed the connection between other people’s souls and heaven, and felt left out.
I’ve heard the tiny whispers of a child’s prayer and wept.
And I’ve prayed, just once, for the life of an unborn child.
But I don’t think I knew grace until I told you who I was and you loved me anyway.
I learn the most from stories, and my deep infatuation with words has left me searching for perfect endings. My youth still dreams, but my wisdom tells me sometimes other people write them for you.
I’m starting to understand that my ghosts haunt you as much as they haunt me. Dreams are for the young, and they keep resurrecting the ashes from my past. Each time I try to wipe them away, they disappear into the sunlight, only to appear again in the darkness. But spring is coming now, it is floating on the cool breeze sweeping winter away. The days are getting longer and darkness is pushed away by your grace.
If the Bible is the story of creation, of a generous life and of faith, then ours is story of endurance. As though you have already forgiven me for future mistakes, your touch is as light as the sun. My breath steadies itself in your presence. And I see you search for me in my silence. Locked far away, my words lie still. But I’m experiencing you more in the stillness, than I ever could struggling with words. This is our moment shared, a place entirely ours…with no beginning and no end.
Perhaps I’ll find God tucked somewhere deep inside you because I do best with things I can hold. So I’m going to float inside the idea of you for awhile, make your words the current for mine. I’m catching up to you now and am close behind.