The Land of the Living

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time

I thought it best to let the weekend come and go without my usual splendor for anniversaries. I watched the days before it pass quickly, and though most were spent dancing inside and out of my own laughter, I still somehow thought the last weekend in May would leave me reeling for the past. It didn’t.

The way time moves us from one location to the next has always transfixed me. Most of us hold on to the belief that time cures all things. That wounds left air drying amongst the passing seasons will somehow harden and fall away. They don’t.

I filed for divorce one year ago today and I can tell you it feels like yesterday. It was May 27th when he forgot to come home. Officially May 28th when she texted him wondering where he was, and 4:18 am when I was smart enough to check his phone, read her words and 4:19 am when I knew I wasn’t his anymore. I like not being his.

Three hundred and sixty-five days oughta teach you something, and the lessons have nothing to do with time. The first was to understand my strength. The second was to shed the shame. The third was to ask for help. The fourth was to tell the truth. And the fifth was to listen and be still.Amanda Carrier, Silence is the Enemy of My Heart

Time teaches us that things slow down and speed up at their own will. An hour can feel like a hundred years and a whole season can pass in the blink of an eye. I learned not to waste time, and to not question the speed or the slowness of its passing. Because time is simply a canister for life. It harbors the moments that define and destroy us. And it releases the moments that heal. It is a vessel for the people who will leave and a life vest for those that stay.

Sometimes time takes its time, and other times it speeds up…comes and goes, dances in and out of us so feverishly that we forget to check the calendar. Sometimes it carries away the anniversary of the worst day of your life without so much of a glance backward. And other times, it whispers to you the lesson…life rejuvenates itself.  Always and forever more.

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